hi.

me being new here this is my first post.

let me just wipe the salt off my glasses..

..so there. now. i'm just back from the ceremony and the graveyard.
hard to bear, so hard to bear.

the german sermon made so much of god's grace and so little of kevin's
bliss. the english version, which was being read after each portion
sounded so much better. a relief each time. but still so hard to bear.

i'm not good at estimating but i'd say about 200-300 people had
gathered in the Friedenskirche five minutes from the place where we live. i
met chris from dresden and pascal. and horst, my old friend from
school.

amazing grace from the organ set the beginning, followed by jerusalem.
then a german church song (great lord we praise you) and then 'the old
rugged cross'. every person was handed a golden star. just a cheap
piece of plastic but it shines.

then the band performed 'a good year for the roses'.

three friends then payed their respect, fitzgerald kusz, a local poet
of some renown, karl bruckmeier and finally brendan croker, who got us
all clapping and singing, or for my part at least humming these lines:

he lives, he lives,
he has not gone away,
he walks with me and he talks with me,
upon life's broad highway.
he lives, he lives,
salvation to impart,
don't ask me how
i know that he lives,
he lives within my heart.

it ain't easy to move local frankonians, who are said to be maybe the
most reserved and withdrawn german tribe but mr croker is a natural
force.

the next piece was the most painful. 'just a lonely man' as recorded
by kevin shortly before he died.

maybe i got the order wrong but it was the first burial after my
brother's 20 years ago.

while the coffin was rolled out of the church with pomp and
circumstance horst and i hurried to his car to get the group's goodbye
gifts: a large bouquet of beautiful roses and two absolutely sweet
teddies. i carried the bears. very consoling.

the graveyard is very old and full of historic sites. he is in good
company. and all in good time i guess i'll join him there..

for now i threw some petals down. when all were gone and a
gravedigger started to finish the burial i went to talk to him.

says he: these flowers and the bears - shall they go down, too? says
i: no, could you please put them up on the grave? sure says he and
looks at me. you know, he went way too soon. yes says i. you know
says he, he was my neighbour; on his last night i could hear him.
says i: sing? says he no, cough - you know he had it on the lungs. i
know says i. but, says he sometimes it's better when you die just like
that. yes says i, better to work til the end than to ail in a
hospital. but still..

i made some photos and will post them somewhere when i feel up to it..
brought one rose home and stole another for my almost-auntie's grave
and went home while family and the closer friends are sitting in a
local pub.

all the best from Thomas :):):)
who remembers kevin from the days when he put the jump into jumpsuit